want to

I really want to hop on here and say "my life is wonderful and I'm so happy"
But alas, my usual isn't even wonderful, I'm a contented kinda gal, and I'm more than fine with that, usually. Right now though I'm downright "off" i'm sad i'm cranky, i'm losing it.
I've walked away from a customer in the drive thru just so i didn't choke the crap out of her.
I've cried just cause I can.
I've managed to lose yet another friend, I guess it's just cause I am who I am, and I can't be "trusted"
Now get past that whiney cranky Mechelle, and guess who you find a Lady who's got great Passion for things that most people don't give two craps about, a woman who'd die for those she loves, a woman who worries that those same people are going to be ok. A woman who has decent work ethic and wants to do what's right. A woman who's got skeletons (big ole giant ones) hiding in her closet, a woman who's convinced that the people who should just accept her as she is Never will
I miss my kid...i miss my friends.

I'm gonna be real honest about something i thought today and almost did it. I was gonna tell my husband I thought we should get a divorce, now before you panic, I love him, with all my heart, and I know he loves me with all his. My stupid thought process was this "i should stop being selfish and let the man live a normal happy life, I'm only dragging him behind with my ME moments" Of course the selfish side of me was like "girl you do not want him to go" For all the right and real reasons but also for the one I dare not to say outloud "I have never been alone" I was a child, then I had a child, then I got married. I've never been alone.
Yay for being a Debbie Downer, but whatever, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to :)