Changes at the Buck

So Micah runs off to some wilderness land in Utah, and leaves us with all these new kiddos at the Buck. Starting with lets see oh yeah Kevin...alas we'll simply call him token and move on cause I'm thinking I'll hold my tongue...yes for a change. Then comes along Jaimie...yes i spelled that right. She is ...well awesome and adorable. i like her a lot, yay. and lastly is Will, everyone thinks he's a cuter younger version of my BIL Brett, um aside from possibly looking a little like Brett used to i don't see it, and well I am holding out for what i think of him. Here's what I do know, I'd give the two dudes back in a mini heart beat to have Micahbear back :(

want to

I really want to hop on here and say "my life is wonderful and I'm so happy"
But alas, my usual isn't even wonderful, I'm a contented kinda gal, and I'm more than fine with that, usually. Right now though I'm downright "off" i'm sad i'm cranky, i'm losing it.
I've walked away from a customer in the drive thru just so i didn't choke the crap out of her.
I've cried just cause I can.
I've managed to lose yet another friend, I guess it's just cause I am who I am, and I can't be "trusted"
Now get past that whiney cranky Mechelle, and guess who you find a Lady who's got great Passion for things that most people don't give two craps about, a woman who'd die for those she loves, a woman who worries that those same people are going to be ok. A woman who has decent work ethic and wants to do what's right. A woman who's got skeletons (big ole giant ones) hiding in her closet, a woman who's convinced that the people who should just accept her as she is Never will
I miss my kid...i miss my friends.

I'm gonna be real honest about something i thought today and almost did it. I was gonna tell my husband I thought we should get a divorce, now before you panic, I love him, with all my heart, and I know he loves me with all his. My stupid thought process was this "i should stop being selfish and let the man live a normal happy life, I'm only dragging him behind with my ME moments" Of course the selfish side of me was like "girl you do not want him to go" For all the right and real reasons but also for the one I dare not to say outloud "I have never been alone" I was a child, then I had a child, then I got married. I've never been alone.
Yay for being a Debbie Downer, but whatever, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to :)

My give a damns busted

it's odd that I, an avid country music HATER would use a country song title for MY title but indeed that's how I feel, my give a damns busted. Why do i say this, well I have been trying to be nice and sweet and "correct" with my blog posts, but what the hell for, no one reads them AND it's mine, I can do what i want. so why is my give a damn busted...quite frankly its because I over the past 2+ years spilled my inner soul to someone, and she was like family and she said the same of me, and my husband called us evil twins because we were besties...but alas something completely stupid happened and I've been left behind. To make matters worse knowing myself I'll either have to give up the church I was almost ready to call home for a while or maybe forever. You see I don't "act right" when it comes to feelings and people, and well hell at all... with everything.
I feel oddly lighter somehow, maybe I was just playing and I was never really her friend anyway, maybe I dreamed it all, whatever the reason, what's done is done, and now to be a good wife I have to learn to like Baseball...booyah let's go Braves!

It's Melanie's Fault

So I started a blog, wrote two, and then dropped it like a HOTCAKE! Trust me it's not like I haven't had things to say, I have, I think. But since I do 95% of my online stuff from my iphone it just seems weird to write my blogs from there, and the real reason I haven't let it out here is I have my weekly dates with the lovely Melanie. I absolutely love them. We talk about the book we are reading together Lineage of Grace, and we let all our feeling just spill out. It's awesome, and beautiful, and releasing, and comforting. I could go on and on about how great it is, but I won't.

Empty nest

So in October the person I've been closest to for the longest decided she wanted to leave me...boo. Oh wait, I guess they are suppose to do that once they grow up, if they are your children, which technically she is. I cannot explain the insane bond I share with this girl, yes I'm her mom so we have that but there is so much more to it. And let's be honest my husband and I were not best friends, yes we get/got along ok enough but it hadn't clicked. I discovered yesterday to my huge delight that he finally TRULY GOT ME, hey it only took him 17 years, in all honestly it's a huge accomplishment I was quite sure NO ONE would ever get me, don't get me wrong I've got friends that get a little here and there but NO ONE fully got/get's me. He does, finally. Holy Cow I'm so pumped about this, it makes me smile. Oh btw this post is gonna be ALL over the place...I'm in one of those moods. Um where was I...oh empty nesting. So in the 6 months she's been gone, it's forced us to be so much more than just people who live together and share a few things. Well maybe it didn't force us but we sure took advantage of it, and we've grown so much, in our relationship as a married couple, our relationship as friends, and MOST Importantly our relationships with God, we are by no means where we should be but we are headed in that right direction. It's so cool. So in a mere month our empty nesting days will be over, and we will start that next chapter in our life, the chapter where Mechelle's home for ... hmm what should I call it? haha
Anyway my co-worker and shall I say somewhat clone of my younger self is moving in Friday the 13th, she thought that was the best date...no one else sees it, but I do. She's so much like me some days its scary, but when others are like Emily is....insert whatever it is you'd add, I'm the one who on the inside says yup and I bet she doens't even know why, and you know maybe she can't change that cause its just her, right or wrong just her. It'll be interesting to see her in 20 years. So with Emily moving comes Matt hanging out. Then there's cute little Kara who moved to Arizona only to long to be back home in Georgia. She's currently planning to move in with us at the end of May, she too has a bf, Drew. Oddly enough I know him better than her, he's one of Chelsia's best friends, so we went from one biological kid who had friends over a lot, to an empty nest, to a house full all over again. It'll be fun and interesting I have no doubt. And now my cooking will come in handy, I always cook too much, haha.

Hey, LOVE JESUS. GROW PEOPLE.

So here it is the blog I couldn't decide to start or not for well over 4 years, yeah i know why so long, it's only a dang blog, well who knows is one good answer, I'm crazy is yet another, I overanalyze EVERYTHING is another good one, and there's the ever true I procrastinate, can't make up mind, and well there's something seriously wrong with me (I'm pretty sure I hear family members saying Amen sister to that one). Unlike my daughter's this blog will not consist of things that make you think about life, and the like, and unlike my sister's this blog will not be funny and witty, in fact it will quite likely be boring as heck, and although I want to get things out of my head and heart I likely won't for fear of who's eventually going to see this, so why am i even writing this you may ask, honestly I am asking it too.
I still don't know if I'll be the kind of blogger who gets on here and says stupid crap like you needed to know my every move, maybe I'll be bored enough, who knows. I do know I'll mess up my punctuation often and drive my kid insane, it's a small perk to being a parent, I deserve a little payback.

More fun... or dumb stuff about me:

-I married an old fart ( i love you honey), he treated me like a princess what can I say, and after 17 crazy years of learning all about each other we are finally best friends, hey I'm a slow learner what can I say, one of my old fave names for him is energizer bunny...enough said.
-I didn't take his name when we got hitched, something I regret now
-I am 5' tall or short if you prefer, and a little bit on the chubby side, hey I earned those love handle, and grey hairs too for that matter, I'm kinda feisty, no make that a lot feisty in a few ways, but in others I'm the most loving give the shirt off my back kind too, keeps you guessing which one you are with
-I have a big extended family but small ish immediate, and have my opinions, sometimes boisteriously about that whole thing, I'm always the last to know anythign, and usually treated as, feel like, and considered the black sheep, ha I've made my mistakes and I suppose deserve all that I am given, or do I?
-I am random, and have attention issues, I'm a front pew girl at church, and my mind wanders (you may notice things stop making sense every now and then, sorry, can't help it)

- I get my best ideas, think the most and talk to God in the shower, this is not conducive to communicating good ideas, you can't really keep pen and paper in the shower, nor any kind of electronic voice memo device, therefore much of it is either lost/forgotten or recited excitedly in towels

-I have a job that I both love and hate, but no matter i am totally grateful to have a job, my co-workers are like another family to me, dysfunctional and all, just like real families

-I'm at a stage in my life that I think I'm pretty lazy and boring. Or I could just be tired and worn out and finally letting myself relax, you can be the judge of that if you'd like. I'm also at a stage in my life I don't give a damn what some people think, but care way too much about what some others do, it's wonderful...NOT

-oh and you may have noticed my next share, I speak sarcasm, FLUENTLY!

-I repeat myself and forget a lot too (don't hold it against me if you feel like you are re-reading something, it's quite likely)

-I'm totally disorganized and completely a planner, those two do not go together at all. Like my crap in my house, is scattered cluttery and disorganized, but have me plan a party and it'll be done a week or two in advance so much so that you can't live in the rooms that are ready, its' crazy i know. 

-We have one fluffly little mutt name Gir, she's part Pekingese and part Maltese, I think she looks like an Ewok

-I'm the daughter of two crazy people, my sister myself and my child are far more normal than we have a right to be, on that note we each are equally unique even so

-ah and another favortie about me, I can't make up my mind so much so that I may seem to contradict myself, it's fantastic...again NOT

Yeah so there's the short of some who am I's, thanks for reading