Changes at the Buck

So Micah runs off to some wilderness land in Utah, and leaves us with all these new kiddos at the Buck. Starting with lets see oh yeah Kevin...alas we'll simply call him token and move on cause I'm thinking I'll hold my tongue...yes for a change. Then comes along Jaimie...yes i spelled that right. She is ...well awesome and adorable. i like her a lot, yay. and lastly is Will, everyone thinks he's a cuter younger version of my BIL Brett, um aside from possibly looking a little like Brett used to i don't see it, and well I am holding out for what i think of him. Here's what I do know, I'd give the two dudes back in a mini heart beat to have Micahbear back :(

want to

I really want to hop on here and say "my life is wonderful and I'm so happy"
But alas, my usual isn't even wonderful, I'm a contented kinda gal, and I'm more than fine with that, usually. Right now though I'm downright "off" i'm sad i'm cranky, i'm losing it.
I've walked away from a customer in the drive thru just so i didn't choke the crap out of her.
I've cried just cause I can.
I've managed to lose yet another friend, I guess it's just cause I am who I am, and I can't be "trusted"
Now get past that whiney cranky Mechelle, and guess who you find a Lady who's got great Passion for things that most people don't give two craps about, a woman who'd die for those she loves, a woman who worries that those same people are going to be ok. A woman who has decent work ethic and wants to do what's right. A woman who's got skeletons (big ole giant ones) hiding in her closet, a woman who's convinced that the people who should just accept her as she is Never will
I miss my kid...i miss my friends.

I'm gonna be real honest about something i thought today and almost did it. I was gonna tell my husband I thought we should get a divorce, now before you panic, I love him, with all my heart, and I know he loves me with all his. My stupid thought process was this "i should stop being selfish and let the man live a normal happy life, I'm only dragging him behind with my ME moments" Of course the selfish side of me was like "girl you do not want him to go" For all the right and real reasons but also for the one I dare not to say outloud "I have never been alone" I was a child, then I had a child, then I got married. I've never been alone.
Yay for being a Debbie Downer, but whatever, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to :)

My give a damns busted

it's odd that I, an avid country music HATER would use a country song title for MY title but indeed that's how I feel, my give a damns busted. Why do i say this, well I have been trying to be nice and sweet and "correct" with my blog posts, but what the hell for, no one reads them AND it's mine, I can do what i want. so why is my give a damn busted...quite frankly its because I over the past 2+ years spilled my inner soul to someone, and she was like family and she said the same of me, and my husband called us evil twins because we were besties...but alas something completely stupid happened and I've been left behind. To make matters worse knowing myself I'll either have to give up the church I was almost ready to call home for a while or maybe forever. You see I don't "act right" when it comes to feelings and people, and well hell at all... with everything.
I feel oddly lighter somehow, maybe I was just playing and I was never really her friend anyway, maybe I dreamed it all, whatever the reason, what's done is done, and now to be a good wife I have to learn to like Baseball...booyah let's go Braves!